What Does Bossy Mean?

One day on the way to dance practice, my 6 year old daughter E asked what bossy meant. She heard it in the audiobook that was playing and was curious to know the meaning. I love that she is already trying to learn and I tired my best to explain it to her.

I started by saying there is a difference in being a leader and being bossy. They action is similar - you can tell someone to do something, but the way you say it matters. Being a leader requires balance and in my opinion, empathy. If you ask someone to come over because you want to play with them, the tone and intention matter. I demonstrated what a nice leader sounds like.

When someone is bossy, they cross the line. The tone is sharper and more direct. Even if you want to play with someone, if you command them to come over to you, that is being bossy. We want the same outcome and want to avoid being bossy towards people if possible.

Once I demonstrated an example and explained that being a leader requires balance while not crossing the line into bossiness, E understood immediately. She began to say that she felt one of her friends in kindergarten was very bossy. I told her that she always had a choice who she plays with and that she should walk away from that friend if she didn’t want to play with her.

I think the example and the immediate connection to a situation at school solidified the definition of bossy in her mind. E is a natural leader and I do want her to avoid being bossy towards people. She can sometimes get like that, but being aware of the meaning can go a long way to leading others more effectively. It was something for her to chew on as we drove to dance and something that I wish I was taught as a kid. Being a good leader is hard, so getting these early lessons can only help (I think!).