Reading Time, Tablet Time
When I took our two older kids with me on a summer trip to visit my parents and brother, my wife told me that our six-year-old daughter E needed to do her reading. I wasn’t consistent with the reading and we were about to head back home. I really wanted her to finish her books before we got back and I told her that she needed to read the last three books on our last day of the trip before we went out to dinner with my brother.
She felt overwhelmed after reading the first book. It only took her a few minutes to read the book, but I don’t think she was in a reading mood. I tried to motivate her by letting her know that she could have some tablet time after she finished the last two books. She didn’t want to miss out on tablet time, but she didn’t feel like she could read the books.
That was when E started to freak out. She kept whining about wanting her tablet and not being able to read. I told her that she at least needed to try and read before whining. That made things worse, and the whining got louder and louder. It then turned into crying. It then turned into sobbing.
Now, my kids know that when they whine and cry about something, they won’t get what they want from me. In fact, I tell them that I’m going to do the opposite of what they whine and cry about. Since she wanted her tablet, I wasn’t going to give it to her. I didn’t care whether or not she read either. The reading was for her own good and if she didn’t want to do that because it was good for her, that was fine. I explained that she needed to be responsible for her own learning. If she didn’t want to read because it would help her learn how to read, she didn’t have to do it.
I also told her that she shouldn’t do things because there is an external reward. I only offered it up as an extra motivation boost, but she needed to do her reading because it was the right thing to do during our trip. E still kept crying and I just kept cleaning. C was also concerned at this time because before the whining, I told him that he would get his tablet too if E finished her reading. He kept going over to his sister and encouraging her to start reading. He really wanted her to finish her books so he could watch his tablet. He even read his own books to try and show that he should get his tablet. This kid.
Eventually, E calmed herself down, which I was really proud of. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw her starting to read. It probably took her less than 15 minutes to finish the last two short books. She was really proud of herself and came over and asked whether or not she was going to get her tablet. I told her she could have it if she could explain why she should read her books. She told me that it was because reading was good for her and that’s why she should do it.
I asked her whether or not she understood why I offered tablets as an extra reward. She did and said that the tablet was extra motivation to finish the books, but the main motivation needed to come from her doing the right thing and trying to get better at reading. It seemed like she understood the lesson and I gave the kids tablets. I probably would have figured out an activity for them to do like I usually did, but I needed them to be quiet while I cleaned the whole place. Even though it was a bumpy ride, we ended up getting to where we needed to go. And I got to finish cleaning in a quiet place.
