Expectations Gap

The older my 6 year old daughter E and my 4 year old son C get, the harder it is for them to listen to what I’m saying the first (or second or third) time. It is especially hard when there is something pressing that needs to be done. If we are late for school and I need them to put their shoes on, I can bet they will take triple the amount of time to go and do it…with constant reminders to use their listening ears.

My wife has been noticing the struggles and told me to remember that they are little little kids who aren’t going to listen. I can only imagine what I was like at that age (because most of it I don’t remember), but I bet I was similar. Very stubborn at times and marching to my own drumbeat. When my wife said that to me, I realized I had an expectation gap - my expectation was that they would listen after I said what I needed to say. My reality is that they won’t listen and I need to remember that. Once I ask them to do something, my expectation is that they aren’t going to do it! It’s all upside when they do!

Over the last few days, I have been trying to remember this and it has relieved some pressure in me to get things done right away with them while they are running around like crazy. Sometimes I end up being silly with them and it makes them laugh while I get to do what I need to do. If I turn things into a game or make things a bit silly, they end up having a higher chance of listening to what needs to be done…and then doing it. It’s working out better and most importantly, I am using the right tools for this age range to get things done. It’s all a learning process for them and for me and we need to all work together on that.